I have been questioned about my lack of posts this week, so here goes:
Whenever I have been involved in a very long process, such as an extended difficult trail run or some other life project, there comes a time when it isn't fun anymore. The early novelty of embarking on something with possibility has worn off, and the finish line is nowhere in sight. That is where I am now. I am getting ever so slightly better by the day, but sometimes the improvement doesn't even seem measurable. It is a time of no real change and endless discomfort and compromise. I can't go back and I can't see my goal in front of me. My limitations today will be roughly the same as tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. I will take the same cocktail of drugs this morning as I will tonight, and tomorrow morning, and on and on. This is a true mental challenge. I shuffle around the local track and trail like a hamster on a wheel. One foot in front of the other - just relentless forward motion while my conscious brain is numb. I wake up after a restless night, eat a little, get some exercise, nap, eat a little more, pay bills, hook up to the IV, nap, eat, and then go to bed. Repeat daily. The good news: I managed four miles walking today.